It’s the first day of 2017 & I couldn’t be happier. How do I even describe 2016? Awful? Horrific? Terrible? 2016 was devastating to say the least & I am thrilled for a new start.

I have always heard this phrase, “new year, new me.” I always found it to be kinda funny. People saying this in hopes that the new year will bring along better fortune, better opportunities, a “brand new” or “better” person than they were before. But, what if the “new me” in 2017 isn’t necessarily better? What if the new me is… well to be blunt, an overweight, depressed, anxious, unhealthy, exhausted, forgetful, & motherless daughter? Am I supposed to make it my mission to make every single one of these things better in 2017? Is that what I am supposed to make my new year resolutions to be? Or… am I supposed to embrace this new me?

There are some things about the “new me” that I can simply not change. I cannot bring my mother back from the dead. I am unable to just stop mourning her death & get over it. Not possible. I also can’t (at least to my knowledge right now) get rid of my new health condition called Hypothyroidism which has caused me to gain hella weight & always be exhausted. So if I cannot change these new (not necessarily great) qualities about myself than I guess I just have to learn to live with them. That is why I created this blog. I want to document this journey of learning to love my new self in 2017.

My 2017 Goals:

• Love my body. This is easier said than done. In this moment right here & now, I am not happy with my body & am extremely self-conscious. That is going to change.
• Go to the gym at least 3x a week. This isn’t necessarily to “get skinny” or to “get fit”. This is trying to live a healthier lifestyle & to heal my body.
• Run a whole 5k. If anyone knows me, you would know that I absolutely despise running. In the past when I was on my fitness kick & lost hella weight, my goal was always the typical feel/look good in a bikini because I never had before. Welp… that is an unrealistic goal & to be honest, not a very body loving goal. I will get more into my thyroid condition later, but to be short my body is working against me in losing weight. So instead, I’m sticking to a realistic goal of running a 5k.
• Stick to healthy eating habits. This past year I gave up on losing weight due to my condition & I have been battling anxiety. Eating unhealthy foods & drinking have become natural. My mother was a huge advocate for healthy eating & the healing of a natural diet. Promised my momma I’d eat healthier & I’m promising myself now too.
• Travel to the Philippines. I need to go to the Philippines & be with my mother’s family & be in her homeland. Period.
• Start a blog. Guess I can check this one off, WHOOP WHOOP! This blog is an outlet for myself to heal & if in the process I can help others, that is awesome. My goal is to be real in this blog & to not hold back. I think we are taught to hide our grief, insecurities, & fears way too much. I’m not going to do that.

Well, I guess since I wrote these down on a public platform then I gotta do them. If you read this all, thanks. I appreciate you. Stay tuned for more posts.

Happy New Year, ya’ll. Let’s go, 2017.